we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
