i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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