i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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