saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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