The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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