Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
