tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
