Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
