Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
