Can i not drive my cunt home
My hand turned me down
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
