dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
