glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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