you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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