Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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