i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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