best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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