its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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