Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
