When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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