Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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