tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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