New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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