she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
