He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
