shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
