Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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