when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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