So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
