if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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