There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
