I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
