I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
