Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
