We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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