Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
