omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I looked at my own cervix.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
