upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
