someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
