I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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