eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
