You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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