I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
