with your own penis?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
