If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
