I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
