I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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