This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
