I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
