I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How naked do you want me to be?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
