She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
