Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm both gender and math confused
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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