There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
