I bet he comes in French.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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