i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
