The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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