i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
