I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
