only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
