I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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