i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
