walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
