after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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