What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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