he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
