I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
