My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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